Hymns of Emergency

Being a promoter for the need to be connected to people, to the physical life, adventures and activities in the real world i have been finding myself more and more in the midst of strong feelings of being disconnected. My current feelings about best laid plans and my level of energy has begun to haunt me. Being exhausted leads to an increase in the feelings of disconnectedness but also makes me feel as though i haven't slept for four days after having just woken. Black and blue through and through, dreaming of the past and future fully aware that it is an attempt to deal with my current private SOS that i'm drowning in. Preparez-vous...
Black and blue, there's nothing i can do, and usually i feel as though there's nothing i can't do. So how to shake the shivers and aches?
Old habits die hard, and knowing that the feelings of disconnect are linked to sadness and realizing that i have been left behind and have removed a limb covered in old, well-earned and loved scars. To be in, but on the outside of in... to feel it, but to not know where you'll be standing once you're back standing instead of lying flat and weak. But it's very new territory after having been so used to being a part of the service, a part of the action, a man of the hymns of danger and sweat.
Guess i'm just jealous and feeling left out.