In looking at the idea of jumping ship and leaving where i am currently living has led me to really focus on a few things that seem small at first examination but turn out huge with a small amount of applied focus. First is vain and degrading but honest: just how much i own, how much crap there is surrounding me... all of us. Second, the things that really matter like the events and areas that mean something to you in whatever stink-town or shit situation you're looking at bailing out of. Thirdly, perhaps most importantly are the people.
i've been trying to really cut down on how much i own. Eliminate the things that aren't necessary, especially if i don't love it. The amount of garbage that when you're really looking at it is insane. Shitty DVDs, weird little appliances, old shoes, crapped out electronics, and accessories for things you can no longer identify become sickening. The list is endless as is all the crap. i've recently been going through boxes, literally, full of stuff that i used when i first moved out... why the hell do i need so many glasses and mugs?!?! My god. The Salvation Army has been seeing a lot my old stuff. i hope that in some small way my stupid self-excess can benefit someone in some way.
The second one has been a very hard mixed blessing. As i think and feel more and more about the things i'm involved in the bigger the questions seem to become as do questions about motivation, sacrifice, desire, dreams... acceptance, even. Being a part of a music scene and more emotionally in a band i love has been strangely been the biggest mixed blessing of them all. i truly love this band, i love the music we play and i love the people in it so much but i'm also realizing that my willingness to commit to it is no longer what it once was. i appreciate the challenge of this loving dichotomy. It hurts realizing this, but in a way the draining and emotional charge that keeps coming with this kind of questioning is in a way revitalizing. Most of the time our lives seem so full of acceptance of what has just always been. At least in re-evaluation of my loved things i can understand more about my loves, the things i want to be a part of and myself.
Lastly, the heart breaker... the connection... the relationships, the god damned people. Family and friends, their influence on our day to day lives are hard to really quantify without allowing yourself to register the hurt and loss that will ultimately accompany this change of winds.
All of this if done honestly really allows one to see the good in many places, things and people that you may not expect. The hilariously awful truth in the ying-yang, in all things terrific and special there is some small amount of crap, and in all things shit storm and intolerable is some small piece of gold.
In craving an adventure and a change i faced these all before but it has been probably 9 nines since my last one. This time things seem somehow gigantically bigger.
i've been trying to really cut down on how much i own. Eliminate the things that aren't necessary, especially if i don't love it. The amount of garbage that when you're really looking at it is insane. Shitty DVDs, weird little appliances, old shoes, crapped out electronics, and accessories for things you can no longer identify become sickening. The list is endless as is all the crap. i've recently been going through boxes, literally, full of stuff that i used when i first moved out... why the hell do i need so many glasses and mugs?!?! My god. The Salvation Army has been seeing a lot my old stuff. i hope that in some small way my stupid self-excess can benefit someone in some way.
The second one has been a very hard mixed blessing. As i think and feel more and more about the things i'm involved in the bigger the questions seem to become as do questions about motivation, sacrifice, desire, dreams... acceptance, even. Being a part of a music scene and more emotionally in a band i love has been strangely been the biggest mixed blessing of them all. i truly love this band, i love the music we play and i love the people in it so much but i'm also realizing that my willingness to commit to it is no longer what it once was. i appreciate the challenge of this loving dichotomy. It hurts realizing this, but in a way the draining and emotional charge that keeps coming with this kind of questioning is in a way revitalizing. Most of the time our lives seem so full of acceptance of what has just always been. At least in re-evaluation of my loved things i can understand more about my loves, the things i want to be a part of and myself.
Lastly, the heart breaker... the connection... the relationships, the god damned people. Family and friends, their influence on our day to day lives are hard to really quantify without allowing yourself to register the hurt and loss that will ultimately accompany this change of winds.
All of this if done honestly really allows one to see the good in many places, things and people that you may not expect. The hilariously awful truth in the ying-yang, in all things terrific and special there is some small amount of crap, and in all things shit storm and intolerable is some small piece of gold.
In craving an adventure and a change i faced these all before but it has been probably 9 nines since my last one. This time things seem somehow gigantically bigger.
