It's time to get past all of this. We so often seem willing to forget, or perhaps deny, that there is always something at stake. Time, joy, goals, life. A powerful list full of potential that we're all chasing. The chasing is what becomes the problem, i believe. So often the hope for success, the work towards success teaches us little. We become accustomed to it, it seems normal, maybe because we live in an age of mediocrity or maybe because it's easier to push people forward and then forget them. Yet, where are the lessons in those moments?
Illness has been rushing through me all week when considering that even with what under different circumstances be seen as a success, a strong success, will become a failure. It reminds me of the lessons of failure and how much more that has the ability to teach you, but in this situation it hasn't had the same of dire straits feel as other failures. A loss of time, a loss of respect, a loss of self-confidence, and potential for a much, much more significant loss lies down that road, those feelings and ideas scare me most of all. What if this goal can never be completed? What if i've gone as far as i can already? Perhaps it's a victory because you've maximized on potential and become something you never imagined. But you cannot celebrate a victory when standing over the grave of one of your dreams.
i dreamt i bought someone a Christmas present that was a tombstone. Maybe i bought it for the dreams i'm going to have to bury...
